By restyourpaws | February 28, 2025
Children and Pet Loss
Submitted by Rest Your Paws
For a PDF of this resource, click here.
As a parent or guardian, it can be difficult to know how to approach and involve children in the palliative care and euthanasia process.
For many children, the loss of a pet can be their first experience with death and grief. It is important that children are encouraged to discuss their pet’s well-being before saying goodbye to facilitate their understanding of death and help them manage their own feelings.
Developmental Stages of Grief
Children’s capacity to grieve and understand death is related to their age, and we can better anticipate a child’s response (and how we can best help) by referring to the table below:
Adapted from DVMcenter’s Kristi Lehman, MSW, LISW.
For all age groups, it’s important to keep your child’s teacher informed.
Involving Children in Pet Palliative Care & Euthenasia
The involvement of children in the palliative care and euthanasia process depends on their age, capability, and interest in their pet. If children are old enough to participate and understand the conversation, discussions should be had prior to saying goodbye. This will give them time to ask questions and feel involved. Hold family meetings to discuss your pet’s health and quality of life. Be open and allow room for questions.
It is important to be honest. As adults we want to shield children from the harsh realities of life, however, this will only serve to create distrust and confusion. Involving them can help them feel validated and empowered and can help them to better understand and decide for themselves that euthanasia is in the best interest of their pet. This allows them to be part of the experience rather than feeling like it is simply happening to them.
The first step is to get your child to look and observe; draw their attention to your pet’s decline and ailments. Voice what you see; if your pet is aging, comment on the changes you notice such as the change in their coat, their loss of weight, their lack of energy. For example: “Remember when Buddy could chase the ball all day? He can’t do that anymore; he is getting old and feeling tired.” If your pet is on medication, tell them so they know you are doing all you can to help your pet feel comfortable. Take the time to explain that eventually the medication won’t be able to help anymore, and their pet’s condition will worsen. Prepare them for signs that may develop such as vomiting or weight loss, depending on your pet’s illness. In the interim, your child may like to help you prepare their medication (such as hiding it in food) or even keep a diary of how much their pet is eating, and how many times they played with the ball that week. Encourage them to fill in their assessment on the ‘Quality of Life Assessment Calendar’ from page 13 of our PDF resource.
Explaining Pet Death To Children
It’s important when explaining death and euthanasia to children that clear, simple language is used. Avoid using euphemisms such as ‘put to sleep’ or ‘pass away’. You don’t want children to confuse death and sleep.
Take the time to explain that all living things can get sick or become hurt and that their pet is not able to live forever. Reassure them that nothing they have done has led to their pet’s death; children will often feel guilt, and it’s important they understand that their thoughts, actions, and words did not harm their pet.
Depending on your beliefs, explaining the difference between your pet’s soul or spirit and their body can make this conversation easier for parents.
For example:
“Buddy’s body is now old and sick, and it doesn’t work well anymore. He is very uncomfortable, and his body is dying. The vet is going to come and give Buddy medication that will help his body to die without any pain so that he is not suffering anymore. The medication will make Buddy’s breathing slow down and his heart will stop, and it won’t start beating again.”
Explain that while his body will remain, Buddy himself will be in heaven or on his next journey or will live on in your families’ memories. Emphasise that your pet will be free from any pain and will be grateful to have had a family that loved and cared for them.
Should Children Be Present For Pet Euthanasia?
This is an important decision to make as a family. You may decide that you do not wish for your child to be present at the time of the euthanasia. In this case, we would still recommend letting your child know when the euthanasia will take place and allow them to say goodbye. This will help avoid confusion and regret later.
Your child may choose not to be present or may come and go throughout the appointment. This is okay, and they should feel free to make their own decision and be supported in it.
If you would like your children to be present, remember that they are naturally curious. They may ask lots of repetitive questions and should feel okay to do so. Respond with concrete information, and if you don’t know the answer then be honest with them. You can direct that question to your vet if you think they can help. Keep in mind that when children are present, you will have to divide your attention between them and your pet.
Discussing Aftercare With Children
When discussing pet aftercare, continue to be honest and use simple language.
If you are having your pet cremated, you may explain that:
“Buddy’s body will be taken away to a place called a crematorium. They will use heat to turn Buddy’s body into ashes. The people at the crematorium will look after Buddy and will return his ashes to us in an urn.”
Alternatively, for burial:
“After Buddy’s body has died and his spirit has left, we will bury Buddy in the backyard.”
Aftercare is another opportunity to get your children involved in decision making, such as:
What urn to pick, or where to keep it in the house.
Where to scatter the ashes.
What tree to plant or plaque to choose.
Planning a memorial can help bring the family together and give younger children a chance to express themselves with drawings and stories.
Supporting Children Through Pet Loss
Understand that children express their grief differently. They tend to feel things more intensely for a shorter timeframe. Depending on their age, they may have outbursts of anger, laughter, hostility, or even aggression. Be patient and supportive, and avoid cutting their feelings short.
For example, using phrases like ‘be brave’ can seem dismissive.
It is important that, as adults, we act as role models for our children, and both validate and normalise the grief process. Narrate your own feelings, such as: “Mummy is feeling sad because I had Buddy for a long time, and I love and miss him. We did the right thing by helping Buddy to die peacefully, but I miss him, and it’s okay to cry and be upset when we lose someone we love.”
It is important for children to understand that sometimes even the right decision hurts, and you are allowed to cry and feel sadness as it reflects the love you feel for your pets.
For a PDF of this resource, click here.
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